GE 1997-8 Season 4 Episode 29: Paulitorial
Note: this is not a transcript, but a working draft of the script, so there may be differences in the aired version.
PAUL: We are almost half-way through winter, its
darkling snow freshened recently by a baker's dusting
of fine white powder - spring is almost in the air.
The skies on occasion have turned a brilliant blue,
the air is fresh and bracing, the slobby snow freezes
into a stubbly custard crust. Temperatures rise and
fall, and we go from slob to crust to slob again.
A townie's delight.
The available evidence convinces us that only another
couple of months of this and then we'll be in to the
elusive vernal season.
Our response ? ... "Off we go, into the wild blue
yonder, riding high, into the sky !"
Yes, it's the time of year invented by travel agencies
to take advantage of us.
The getaway.
Flee to the blistering sun, the boiling sand, the
bare-breasted beauties, the funny drinks served in fruit
with plastic decorations, the life-defying leap from an
airplane with a bungee cord attached to your ankle,
snorkeling amongst poisonous jellyfish, electric eels and
other man-eating marine monsters.
Six days and four nights in an all-expenses paid Mexican
resort motel, return flight to Toronto. How can we deny
the attractions ?
Travel.
Let me tell you. Big whoop.
This is something I've been trying to explain to Mom because,
well, she's been all hopped up for three weeks now, panting
for some surf and sand.
I have very little advice for her and for you when it comes
to holiday adventures, two words in fact - be ware.
Like most other experiences in this life, travel is not all
it's cracked up to be.
"We couldn't get you a flight to your destination, but there
is an overland route from the port of entry."
Tramp steamer connected to the ... local bus, local bus
connected to the ... caravan, caravan connected to the ...
mo-ped.
"We appear to be having trouble with our flaps, but it may
only be a defective light on the control panel. We will be
boarding once again shortly."
You can spot the insurance machine by the lineup.
"I'm sorry, sir, there's no record that you boarded any
luggage. Are you sure you had three suitcases?"
Some poor traveler in Berlin looking at my tourister set
going around on the carousel while I look at hers.
Don't drink the water, don't get in the water, don't change
money on the streets, don't eat any of the food, don't get
in a taxi, don't go out at night, don't buy the dope, don't
go down dark alleys, don't make friends, watch out for the
flies, and ... just relax in the comfort of your supposedly
air-conditioned room, until you're delivered from the misery
of your holiday to the joy of an airport full of travellers.
"I'm sorry, sir, your flight doesn't leave at twelve noon
today, it left at midnight yesterday."
There's something to be said for the dull but dependable
slush of home.
Are you listening Mom ?